SEASON 2, Episode 1

GIRLS

SEASON 2, Episode 1

Season One Recap: Hannah’s parents are still not supporting her because she's not supposed to be a privileged white kid. Jessa got married to show how risky and edgy she is with her bad decisions. Shoshanna gave it up to Ray and resents him and hates herself. Ray just hates himself. Hannah now lives with her gay friend Elijah instead of Marnie, who she had a falling out with last season.

HANNAH: I am so glad Marnie’s not here!

ELIJAH: I have a boner, but it's not for you, Shamu.

Cut to Shoshanna's impossibly large studio.

SHOSHANNA: Dear universe please provide me with a husband and ruin Ray's life.

Marnie just had lunch with her boss.

MARNIE'S BOSS: Oh crap, I was supposed to fire you but I had too much fun shopping with you this afternoon. I run an art gallery and can't afford to have more than two employees. I kept the other guy because he is hot and I can’t have sex with you. But you're pretty so you'll be fine.

MARNIE: (Big sourpuss face.)

Bookstore with Sandy and Hannah acting cutesy

SANDY: I love how weird you are! I love being your non-token token black boyfriend for one and a half episodes!

HANNAH: I used to date slugs and am trying to be more thoughtful now. My last boyfriend was hit by a bus.

Hannah is in bed watching a movie with Adam who has a broken leg.

HANNAH: I feel so guilty about the Very Dramatic Thing that happened to you.

ADAM: I came, you came hard, I love you, I don't have to be nice the whole time.

HANNAH: Okay.

Hannah tries to sneak out unnoticed like an attractive person would do and fails.

Marnie and her mom have brunch because that's what the gals did in Sex and the City.

MARNIE: I'm so old! I'm growing up! I had a bad break-up and, like, got fired, so I'm a grown-up now.

MARNIE'S MOM: I'm the cool mom. I sleep with a cater waiter. 

Hannah has a party so all of the characters can get together in one place.

MARNIE: Hey Charlie, I still like you.

CHARLIE: I'm just waiting outside of the bathroom for my girlfriend.

HANNAH: I don't want to wear this. (Removes dress to force everyone to see her "real" body.)

ELIJAH: Hannah, please get my belligerent old boyfriend out of here. I just can’t deal with a real conflict.

GEORGE, BELLIGERENT BOYFRIEND: Wait, wha?

Hannah drags George outside and locks him outside of the building's gate. He's pissed. Obviously.

Audrey, Charlie’s new girlfriend after Marnie, stomps out of the bathroom.

MARNIE: Love is battlefield.

CHARLIE: Yeah. I'm sorry, I can't really say more than a few mumbled words at a time.

Shoshanna and Ray are alone in a room at the party.

SHOSHANNA: Get away from me. I don't have to like you. You're not my friend.

RAY: You just send me text messages with Emojis! A panda next to a gun next to a wrapped gift? It makes no sense!

SHOSHANNA: You make no sense! I'm outtie.

They make out.

Hannah is at Adam's.

HANNAH: I feel guilty so I am going to take care of you and argue with you to create conflict.

ADAM: You love me.

HANNAH. No. I feel how I feel when I feel it. It's all about ME and I! MY choice! ME ME ME!

Elijah and Marnie are chilling on Hannah's couch after the party. They're both drunk as they've just been binge drinking because what else do 20-somethings do at parties?

MARNIE: I hate giving BJs and having anal sex!

ELIJAH: You'll never be a gay man. You're a hot little bitch.

MARNIE: Fucking kiss me!

ELIJAH: Okay! I'm still discovering my sexuality so it's okay to have insie's outsie's with you on this dirty couch.

MARNIE: Wait, you're gay?!

ELIJAH: Don't roll your pretty eyes at me. Oops. I'm flaccid.

Jessa and Thomas-John are in a cab on their way back to city.

JESSA: I don't know where we live! Yippee!

Sandy's apartment. Hannah knocks and Sandy lets her in. In five swift seconds she walks in and slips out of her dress so viewers are forced to accept a giant, flabby ass in a thong in their faces. Hannah dives onto Sandy's bed.

HANNAH: Eat it!

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