SEASON 2, Episode 9

GIRLS

SEASON 2, Episode 9

NATALIA: That movie was so romantic – just like us! You’re so nice. Let’s have sex now.

ADAM: I love how clear you are to me!

[Sad music plays] Hannah is in an elevator. She pulls at her underwear eight times, pokes inside her ear eight times, etc.

HANNAH’S “BOOK” “PUBLISHER”: Did your hyman grow back? What are you, Jane Austen? Write about your life on your back, stupid.

HANNAH: I had sex with a teenager last month, but I don’t want to get arrested.

HANNAH’S “BOOK” “PUBLISHER”: Turn it into a novel or I’ll fire you.

Shoshanna’s apartment. Ray is wrapped in a girlie blanket.

RAY: I still don’t know why you’re interested. It confounds me!

MARNIE: I’m laying down a track in Garage Band because I’m pursuing my career as a singer. Can you add some bassoon and drums?

RAY: Did you just say bassoon?

Adam and Natalia are getting bad coffee at a deli.

ADAM: I’d rather you be fat and healthy than have rotting insides.

NATALIA: Want to go to an engagement party with me?

Marnie is pissed and waiting at Charlie’s fabulous new office.

MARNIE: We had lunch plans, fool!

CHARLIE: Oh, we hit 20,000 MAUs!

MARNIE: What the fuck is that. I don’t care. But maybe it explains how you have such a beautiful office.

Hannah gets a splinter in her ass from the floor. She pulls it out and slaps a band-aid on it. Poor Hannah.

Hannah then cleans her ear with a Q-tip and punctures the ear drum.

HANNAH: Owwwwwwwww!

HANNAH: (Calls her daddy on the phone): I hurt myself with a Q-tip!

DOCTOR: You’re such a stupid little girl.

HANNAH: Can I keep the Q-tip? I need to keep my weirdness going.

Charlie’s office party.

RAY: Is this for real? Wait, let me answer that: no. Are there prostitutes?

SHOSHANNA: (To Charlie) OMG you’re so hot you can have sex with anyone here.

CHARLIE: (mumbles)

Natalia’s Friend’s Engagement party.

NATALIA’S FRIEND: This girl slept with my cousin so I hate her but I love this fucking girl.

NATALIA: (Points to Adam) He looks like Peter Pan.

Charlie’s office party.

MARNIE: Let me announce to everyone that I have my own downward spiral by singing a song in my awful voice.

RAY: I love Katy Perry.

Outside. Hannah runs into Adam.

HANNAH: Look at me, I punctured my ear! I’m falling apart!

ADAM: Be careful, you idiot.

HANNAH: I’m writing the next great American novel.

ADAM: Ok bye.

Back at Charlie’s office party.

MARNIE: I’m not spiraling! I’m finding myself!

CHARLIE: You’re manic. Kiss me.

SHOSHANNA: I held hands with the doorman!

RAY: That’s okay. I could never score another hot piece of ass like you.

Adam’s filthy apartment.

ADAM: Get down on all fours and crawl like animal. Be a beast with me!

NATALIA: I didn’t shower today so stay out of my ass.

ADAM: Okay. I’ll just get off on you like the classy guy I am.

NATALIA: Not on my dress!!!

ADAM: Sorry for being a beast with no sexual skills.

NATALIA: I can’t believe my mom set me up with a guy from AA.

Hannah’s bathroom. She is holding the bloody Q-Tip.

HANNAH: Let me clean my other ear. I’m trying to get viewers to believe I have an OCD problem worth sympathizing with.

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